Are you faking it? MVTE on faith, mental health, and finding sincerity in the Chicago scene
Written and photographed by Andrea van den Boogaard
She spots the Simpsons game console in the corner and asks, “Can I play it?!”
I’m standing with Chicago rapper MVTE at the eclectic Bric-a-Brac record store cafe in Avondale. She has a strawberry matcha in one hand and her newborn baby in the other. By her side is her husband, stroller in toe. MVTE is all smiles - the image of an almost biblically effervescent mother - surrounded by the largest VHS collection I’ve ever seen and a giant replica of the sandworm from Beetlejuice.
MVTE’s trademark voice and playful humor have just found their newest home in the independently released album, ST8RTER. If her former EP, Mama’s House (co-released with Chicago pop R&B darling Rhea the Second), was a party invitation, then ST8RTER is a how-to guide. For those wondering how a working mother of a newborn - who in two years wrote and released a full length album and a co-produced EP (not to mention 3 separate EP’s during her pregnancy alone) - can have such a relentlessly energetic persona… ST8RTER will show you how.
ST8RTER showcases the vulnerable underbelly of the MVTE persona, confronting and honoring the darkest heartbreaks in her life. And despite living in a zero-privacy age, the rapper’s lyrics preach privacy and restraint as the solution: Gatekeep your life, protect your peace, trust in your faith.
ST8RTER has just turned 2 months old, being met with rapturous support from the underground Chicago rap scene. Notable features on the album include Joseph Chilliams, Magi Merlin and Ladi Tolu. Post-production also includes hometown staples Jonny Pitchan and Chris “Classick” Inumerable.
Needless to say, I’m sitting in front of a very busy woman.
I press the record button.
I’ve been so impressed going through your discography, the singles you released for every trimester while working on ST8RTER.
Honestly, that’s crazy thinking about it. I really did create music and write songs while I was pregnant. In each stage! [laughs]
The norm is taking a break from everything and chilling, being pampered. But I felt like I would have gone insane if I didn’t do music. My husband was great during that experience. Top tier. But I’m dealing with diabetes too, and people were saying, “You’ve got to put your life on hold, you’re not going to be able to chase your passion.” But it’s still my passion! There were a lot of things that went into it - plus making sure my health was well, and that my numbers were at the right level so it wouldn’t affect the baby. I was having that worry, and the question of, “Okay, which do I prioritize, the health or the music?” But I snapped out of that. I think it was God. I prayed about it and I wrote about it.
With the image we’re given of women who are pregnant, people already have doubts about what you’re capable of. But it sounds like everything you were doing - the writing, managing your health, managing your pregnancy, managing your care team - was all part of the process. It seems like it felt natural to you.
Yeah, it did. [A baby cries in the distance. MVTE’s eyes light up.] I know that’s definitely my kid. [laughs] Someone’s probably out of applesauce.
If each track you released was a different stage in your life, what stage would you label ST8RTER as?
I think I’ll also label that as trimester three. Only because there’s a song on there called “Love, Mama Soda,” and the hook is, “Stop overthinking and started believin’. I deserve it.” That was me getting ready for what’s about to come. Everything I’m getting now, from ST8RTER, I deserve it. I deserve a lot of things. Good, bad, and both. Before that stage, I couldn’t see the good stuff sometimes. If I got something good, I’d be like, “Oh, do I really deserve this one?” It took me a while to get out of that. I think from Trimesters, to ST8RTER, to what’s after that, it was a different MVTE every time.
Did you write all of the ST8RTER tracks during your pregnancy?
One of the songs I wrote during my pregnancy was “Gold Teeth.” I was booked for a show, and there were some people backstage talking about the artists on the bill. They were basically saying who they thought belonged on the lineup and who didn’t. I overheard them talking about me - not being part of the show. I did my thing on stage [afterwards], and then the same people tried to come up to me and show me love. It was a frustrating experience because they clearly didn’t know who I was, hadn’t listened to my music, and were just judging based on what little information they knew. I know there are always going to be people who judge you without knowing anything. But at the end of the day, you just gotta stay true to yourself, focus on your mission, and ignore the BS. That situation really inspired “Gold Teeth.”
It seems like all of the tracks on ST8RTER were a manifestation of what you were building, not only for you but for your family. Was that intentional?
From “Gold Teeth” to “AWYEA!” to “ST8R,” those are all braggadocious, believing in myself, manifesting: “I’m a star! Y’all don’t accept me into this music scene!” [laughs] I’m literally just talking my shit. But then it switches and gets more vulnerable: “Are you really happy for me?” At one point in my life I was very depressed, to the point where I didn’t want to be here. All those voices in my head. But during that time, I was still doing music. Music doesn’t feel like a job to me. It’s like I’m writing in my diary. That’s how the “Happy For Me” hook goes. It’s when that voice in my head is talking to me, like, “Fuck, you’re back again. I really hate this.” But there’s also a sense of light and excitement behind it, once I felt like I could break out of it. Even in my darkest moments, I always felt the light. That’s how the “Happy For Me” beat feels. If you really listen to the words, that’s me still having hope that it could get better. And that’s how I looked at it during the depression. Like, “Are you really happy for me, or are you faking it?”
What’s your first memory of someone building you up? Was it somebody in your family, or from outside your family?
Outside of my mom, when I was younger, there was a kid in my class…I’ll be honest, at one point when I was a kid, I used to follow trends. Now you know, I make my own, [laughs] but back then I followed trends. So you know how some people wear the chains on their pants with their wallet attached to it? I remember one of my haters - I always had haters no matter what - we were in gym class, running in a circle, jogging. And I was wearing one while I was jogging… I don’t know why? [laughs] And she was like, “That thing is janky.” But then another kid walked by and said, “It’s cool, leave it.” I wore it for the rest of the school year. I think that kind of thing is where I get my “fuck you, I’ma do me whether you like it or not” attitude from. If you like it, love it out loud. Don’t try to hide it because they don’t like it.
Part of what I was feeling, listening to the first half of ST8RTER, was this idea of gatekeeping your own life. It felt like a big part of building yourself up was cutting out the people trying to pull you down. Do you feel like that comes at a cost? Or has it been all positives?
I feel like it comes at a cost. The way I look at it, you think the people others look up to are going to help you. And then I experienced those people and didn’t get that. But when I cut them off, I look like the bad guy. People saying, “You crazy, this person is supposed to put you on. This person is supposed to help you.” People literally looked at me like I was tripping. But I tell the team I’m building now: I get that business is business, but I want genuine business. I want you to still give a fuck about me, not only when I’m viral. The people I’m building around now came up from the mud with me.
What’s been your biggest reward of intentionally building your team like that?
That they’re still around. Shit! [laughs] That’s how I see it. If it wasn’t a reward, they wouldn’t still be here. And it’s not a dollar thing. We’re still out here starving at home too. [laughs] I might look fly, but I’m on a budget. They believe in me more than I believe in myself sometimes. Even when I’m in my moods, one of them will be like, “Hey, you’re a legend.”
And I’m sure you do the same for them.
I do the same for them. I don’t play about my people. I am a family girl, but I’m also a friend girl, and I treat friends like family.
In the digital age we’re living in, there’s that feeling of forced vulnerability, or that privacy is something you’re not entitled to. Especially for artists. But your reminder stuck with me, the reminder that I’m allowed to guard certain parts of myself from people outside my circle.
That’s how you heal.
Has the social media part of being an artist felt top of mind for you then? Especially the pressure to disclose more of your life than you actually want to?
Hell no. [laughs] But there was one point where it did, when I did Trimesters. Like, would I have to post my son here and there? At first I felt obligated. But then I thought… y’all didn’t push this child out! [laughs] So you know what, I’ll post him when I feel like it. I’m a person who, when it comes to social media or the internet, only tells people what I want them to know. People didn’t know when I was going through my darkest, because I didn’t share every little thing. That’s what therapy’s for, and I go to therapy. But that’s why it took me a minute to share about the suicide attempt. Being a Black woman, sometimes people just don’t expect you, when it comes to mental health, to have that problem. We grow up a little different, with a barrier. So I was guarded. But then I thought about it… When I had started sharing about being a Type 1 diabetic, and wearing the pump, a lot of people could relate. And I was standing up with them. Same thing with depression: I broke out of this, so why don’t you think you can? If anybody listens to you, you can save somebody. If I’m being honest, the one who saved me from the depression was God.
I was interested in the mention of your granny in “These Days.” Was she also involved in that part of your life?
In “These Days” I said, “My granny messed me up and then helped me with consciousness.” I’m talking about a specific point in my life. My dad died, and she had beef with my mom. But whatever beef you have, it should never let you feel like you’re still trying to take over your son’s life. She didn’t even come to my dad’s funeral, her own son’s, because of something petty. Now I’m feeling angry, because I lost my dad, and I used to go crazy about my grandma. So when that happened, I was like, wow. She did teach me family was important though, even when we were kids, because I was always around my cousins from Memphis or New York. She also taught me not to get too comfortable. It’s always the person you least expect! And that messed me up, but it made me realize I can be comfortable - just not to the point of, “They’ll never do that to me.” Oh, they’ll do that. Times ten. I love her down still. Even when I hated her, I loved her.
But it made me realize I don’t want to be that miserable. So let me get the help I need, when I need it. Therapy. Meditate. Pray to God. I don’t want to listen to all this vulgar music, let me listen to gospel a little bit. Let me be in my corner.
In terms of deciding how, and who, to trust - I was reading your old interviews, where you talked about the meaning of being an independent artist versus signing. Do you think it’s more attainable because we’re in Chicago? Does being independent here mean something different than being independent in LA or New York?
I don’t think that’s true. I think it means the same everywhere. And I’ll take independence any day. But what I love about independence is I can drop whatever I want, write whatever I want, without anyone being like, “Hey, you’ve got to go this way.” I don’t want to sign with anybody like that. I also don’t want to sign to no bullshit. [laughs] But having ownership of my own thing, I work hard for that. I’m not against signing. It just has to make sense.
Are there any Chicago artists, or just Chicagoans, that you feel like you haven’t been able to get out of your head lately?
I just got put onto Ravyn Lenae, her album, Blue Island. I ain’t gon’ lie. I’m a fan now. That album is beautiful. And I would still say Chance the Rapper. [laughs] When I first started putting my music on Instagram with instrumentals, I always looked at Chance. I had the 3 hat, literally. And I don’t know. I kind of want to collab with country artists, but soulful country artists. I’m pretty sure we have them here. Somebody who's soulful and from Chicago. I feel like that would taste like the best lemon pepper wings.
What are the first three lessons you’re teaching your son?
Oh, I’m already teaching him to be brave. [She smiles and slowly nods her head] Being brave… God… And loving yourself.
Mvte performs at Sleeping Village supporting Magi Merlin on November 19 in Chicago. Her album, ST8RTER, is available on all streaming platforms now. Merchandise available at mvtemvte.bandcamp.com. See updates and upcoming performance dates on socials @mvtemvte.