Emergency Contact
by Sarp Sozdinler
I listed you again / even though we don’t speak / even though you left the last message on Read again / I write your name in every hospital form / because it still sounds as if you’re helping me / and that still means something / maybe love is just muscle memory / a default setting / like when the browser autofills your email / and my stomach knots before my eyes can / I rehearse the call / imagine the nurse saying she’s stable / and you blinking like that means anything anymore / when we were sixteen we swore / I wore your hoodie / and you kissed my, of all places, clavicle like signing off an emotional contract / I used to believe in that kind of magic then / the binding spell of shared breath / these days I just want a name that sits beside me / and still fits in the mouth / when the hands shake / when the blood is at once too fast and too slow / when the body forgets what to do / and needs someone / to tell it what to do / not to save it / but to stay
A Turkish writer, Sarp Sozdinler has been published in Electric Literature, Kenyon Review, Masters Review, Trampset, JMWW, and Normal School, among other journals. Their work has been selected or nominated for anthologies including the Pushcart Prize, Best Small Fictions, and Wigleaf Top 50. They are currently working on their first novel in Philadelphia and Amsterdam.